Love Unawakened

I have always liked the name of this blog. In the very beginning Kathryn came up with it and I've always thought it really captured the idea of our blog. Well as a couple of years have passed and I am now engaged I have realized just how powerful this name is. The saying "Guard you heart" is tossed around so much and I am not even really sure that people (Even the ones saying it) know how to do it. It sounds good and if done is good, but it is never as easy as it sounds. The longer I am engaged the more I realize things. One main thing is innocence and how beautiful it is. We all make mistakes and trust me this is not a brag session. I am thankful that some how I was able to keep love unawakened. In middle school and high school people "fall in love" all of the time. It is an every other day occurrence. I hear girls telling guy friends they love them and I still question whether that is good or not. That is off subject though... One of the things I held strong to was not tossing around the word "love" with guys. I tried my best to not get caught up in any ooey goey feelings. They were many times that others would have already been saying the "Love" word, but I held out. Looking back now did that really do anything? Yes, I think it did. I was close to engagement before I told Matt that I loved him. I had decided in my heart that this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with before I let the idea of loving him in. To me love is life. He told me he loved me before I was ready to say it. I was fine with it, but I never felt pressured to say it back. I will never forget the night that we were in the parking lot and I looked up at him (Remember... he is 6'7"!lol) and quietly said "I love you". He asked me to repeat it one because he could not really hear me and secondly he wanted to make sure I had really said it. It was a big deal! I went inside and told my roommate and the look on her face was shock, but the more we talked she realized how I really meant it.

Girls, each  day I grow more and more in love with Matt. It was just a few weeks ago that I really became overwhelmed with love for him. My heart had not been tossed around so much that this was just old hat. It is new and exciting! Love is being awakened!! At the appropriate and right time this is a beautiful thing! I cannot imagine feeling this way about a guy and then just having him leave. Girls go through that over and over. That is not the way it is intended to be. So if you are young... hold out. Hold out on saying it, but also on the emotions of thinking it. Guard not just your heart, but your emotions, thoughts, and words. Those are what leads to your heart. Do not flippantly give them away. They are valuable.

Homemaking

I have a new found love.... Being a homemaker! Even though I am not married, yet Matt and I still cook together and all due to both living on the same campus that does not have a meal plan. True confession time... I totally stink at any type of crafts or anything like that. It just is not my spiritual gift and I have embraced that. Well, none the less though I love saving money and feeling responsible. Honestly, it is a very strong desire of my heart to be a good steward of what I have. For this reason I love couponing and using what I have. So lately I have gotten into this phase of wanting to make things! You never realize when growing up what all your mom does. I was homeschhooled and so I knew my mom made her own bread and all, but never really thought about it. So I plan on changing out Mondays for different things that I've enjoyed doing whether is be something I cook, make, or whatever! Feel free to share any recipes you have as well!

I cant wait to be a wife!! :)

JEN

Fruitful Friday

Forgiveness is not the freedom to sin, forgiveness is freedom from sin. ~ Unknown

What would I have changed?

So now that I'm engaged I've been thinking... What would I have changed? This is a tough post. I am not exactly sure what I would change. I would not be who i am today if I had not gone through and done what I have. I made a conscience decision through my teen years to save almost everything for my future husband. I have made mistakes though and things that i wish i could change. I will say at times I feel like i settled. I got tired of waiting. I knew the guy wasnt the guy i would marry, but it felt good to be liked and so i would go further emotionally than I should have. Also, times that i wasted so much energy and thought worrying about my future that I didnt enjoy the moment. Girls your single years seem to be dreadful when really they are a gift you will most likely never have again. I love being engaged, but one of the things I keep realizing is how my single years are over. My teen years have passed and so have my single years. Part of me says, "PRAISE GOD!", but the other part ask if I used it for all i could have. I've always heard that your single years are when you have the most time for God and I beleive that is true. As you get older you have more responsibilities. Are you taking advantage of your single years? Are you making the most of them? Some day you will no longer have them. Also, are the decisions you are making today going to be something you are proud of one day or something you will wish wouldn't have happened? Just a little food for thought! :)

Back to the Basics...

I have been thinking lately about when my love for God and passion became real. I had the privilege of growing up in an amazing home. I was homeschooled and went to church regularly. It was just something I had to do though until I was around 13 and went on my first mission trip. I believe that was when I realized that not everyone had the same opportunity I did and quit taking it for granted. What did I do though? I honestly remember sitting in my room for hours just reading my Bible and other Christian books about different issues. I’m not just talking one night. It was my hobby and love. I have more books from my teen years than I can count. I loved to read and learn more. I remember when sexual issues first came up. I began by looking in the concordance of my Bible and looked up every verse in there. I was passionate and I cared. Why am I not that way now? I still love God and am very passionate. I believe we become comfortable in our walk with the Lord though. We settle and get comfortable. I want to get back to what it was like in the beginning though. When I took it seriously and was in love with God more than anything else. Who is with me? I want to love God tomorrow more than I do today!

JEN

Finally Friday!

He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

~ Unknown

Are you good enough?

 I've been thinking a good bit lately about what others expect of us.... We have the normal school that everyone is expected to do great at, then there is sports, (basketball, gymnastics, cheerleading, softball, horse back riding, track, or etc) music (Band, piano lessons, singing lessons, any special instrument lesson, and etc), spending time with friends/family, 8 hours of sleep (that is a joke... i know!), work (Heavens to betsy some of us actually carry full time jobs with everything else going on!), volunteer hours, church, and then if you have time left over we are suppose to spend an ample amount of time with God. Not only are all of these requested... they are expected! As women we have so much thrown at us and yet we are still expected to be perfect at it all or at least we feel like it! Have you ever felt like you just couldn't meet everyone's expectations? It was impossible and no matter what you did it just wasn't good enough... It may be that you are working all the time and your boy friend keeps saying, "You never have time for me anymore" or your mom says after you get home from school and an assortment of sports practices, "I just never see you any more..." and then two seconds later she says, "Did i not tell you to make your bed, wash the dishes, and put away the clothes before school this morning?!". Now, before I get to far into this please realize that Im not bashing responsibility at all! I do think we need to be responsible and believe that if we say we will do something we need to keep to our word. Although, this is where Im going with this... we are not perfect and we will fail. Not everyone will love us and that is just life. I whole heartedly believe that we need to give our best effort in everything we do, but if we are doing so much then how can we do that? I've come to the bottom a few times in my life where i was just doing so much that I just couldn't do anything else. This weekend was one of those times. I've come to realize that my body gives me signals when Im on over load... such as, my ears hurt (I wont have an ear infection, but they will just ache), my head hurts, or Im sore all over. It's just the way my body works. It may not be the same for you, but do you know what your signs are? Some people get really irritable, others get very emotional, etc. With all that said, you should never get to that point. God is a God of peace. Yes, life isnt a meadow full of wonderful smelling roses, but at the same time it isn't.

What do I propose? First, PRAY!! Secondly, put your priorities in order... Honestly, Im the worlds worst at this. I love  to please people and so if you ask me to do something i will most likely say yes. This isnt always the most God honoring thing though.... If we are doing so many, "Good things" that we cant do the few things God REALLY has planned and set aside for us to do with our whole heart. I may be the only person that ever feels this way, but I highly doubt it...

I challenge you to write out all that you do (every single thing...you may need more than one piece of paper!) and acknowledge that yes, you are good enough! You may not be perfect, but as long as you try your hardest thats ok! Decide what you want to be your main focus. God, family, boyfriend? When you only have time to do one thing before you go to bed what will it be? One thing I was challenged to do the other day was for one hour each night to turn my phone off. This is my time to spend with God, family, do home work or whatever I need to get done that night. Not just "not txt" bc we all know how that goes, but to really turn it off. It helps so much to just get away from the world for a little while!

Money Monday

Tip- Use up food! Sounds simple right? So many people have so much in their pantry that they cant even remember. This is sad. To save money and just clean out start the year by having a week where you get nothing at the grocery store except maybe milk and things that perish quickly. No cangoods, meats, or snacks. Use this week or your pantry maybe could last multiple weeks to use up the food you already have. If you rather not do this than atleast weed through it all and give what you are not using away! Someone else can eat it! :) You would be amazed at what all you have that you never use.

Fablous Friday

"A beautiful woman uses her lips for truth, her voice for kindness, her ears for compassion, her hands for charity her heart for love. For those that don't like her...she uses prayer." ~ Jolly Rutten ~

2012 at a glance..

This last year has been such an adventure! I've loved every step of the way though! So here are some pictures to show you what this last year ahas been like through my eyes! :)

 

 

I went as a chaperone to the youth trip last new years! Fun times! :)

Matt and I began dating... Who knew what would happen in a year!

Oh how I miss this man.... He passed away at the beginning of the year.

I hope to live by the legacy he left behind.

Girls night at school!

I was the children's leader at Enon for most of the year... we did many events!

This one is when we had a pizza party and went to the park!

Easter!

My Bro Graduated

This is one of the reasons I love this man... :)

We took almost 30 kids bowling...

I worked with these teens and others sharing the Gospel with kids this summer!

Pics from our trip up the East coast to D.C. and many other places!!

I GOT ENGAGED!!!

We took wawa to see her sister!

 

Christmas! :)

 

I hope 2013 is just as great as 2012!!

 

JEN

My First Kiss

Sweet ladies, I will be honest... This is a hard post to write. I fear letting you down and disappointment, but at the same time honestly I know before God I have made no mistake. You most likely all know my standard of not kissing. I have held fast and strong to this. No man has even gotten close before. After being engaged Matt and I began discussing the possibility of kissing. It had never really crossed my mind. I began weighing out the pros and cons. It took me months of debating and praying. I sought the Lord. Honestly, I was very torn over it. One night he and i sat down and after we had both been praying we discussed the pros and cons. Just for your curiosity sake I'll list them out for you!

Cons:
~Breaking standard
~Letting people down
~Not sure past that what my standards were

Pros:
~We could have the intimate moment to ourselves and not in front of everyone
~Wouldn't be so many first to get use to on our wedding night
~We have a longgggggg engagement
~It would be fun
~My parents were for it (Yes they were the first ones to know!)
~We did not believe it was sin

Yes, i felt like crying the whole time (Romantic eh?lol). This was a big deal to me.... I will spare you all the icky details, but bottom line is we chose together that it was OK to kiss. I was very nervous and he was excited! We did and i do not regret it. Come to find out I was his first kiss also. We would have been OK kissing for the first time at the alter, but i am glad we will not be. Frankly, kissing is awkward at first. Especially if neither of you have before. I cant imagine what it would be like waiting until my wedding day to kiss. We would be spending most of the night trying to figure that out. Also we have a long engagement and it makes the wait a little easier. Finally, just honestly before the Lord I had a peace about it. He knew our hearts. Do i believe i broke a promise? No, not really. Yes in a way, but the point of the promise was to wait for the man i would marry and love. I did that. I never even let another guy get close. I see that as an accomplishment. who can say that? It was so beautiful ladies... I do not regret waiting or giving in. God had an amazing plan and I'm so thankful for it!

I will be discussing this more in post to come, but i just wanted to share with you girls and update you! I felt hypocritical leaving you to think we have not kissed. It is beautiful and such a gift from the Lord.

JEN