Sunday, April 29, 2012

You are what you eat... You are what you see!

You often hear the saying, “You are what you eat”. I believe this is also true of you are what you watch. There are so many movies now that have raunchy sex scenes in them and nothing is even thought about it. We are called as Christians to stand out against the world. I will be honest that I am not that careful about the movies I watch. I am more against the violence and cursing, but just as much as that we need to be aware of the sex scenes or even sexual jokes. I was informed the other day that the way our mind registers what we see is as if we are experiencing it our self. I forget the technical terms for it, but the point is that we enjoy watching stuff like that because it makes us feel good. Is this a good thing? Personally I find it hard to watch a hot sex scene and feel as if there is no hint of sexual impurity in it. So this may be a short post, but I want to challenge you to be careful what you watch! You may have saved everything for your future husband, but if you are watching inappropriate things then in reality you are not saving everything. It is just a thought!


Friday, April 20, 2012

Dating=Loss of Purity... Not true!

How can you date and continue to stay pure? I have been asked this a couple of times lately and I believe this is a very valid question. We often hear of waiting as not having a boyfriend, but is this the only way that you can be pure? I personally do not think so. Seeing that the bible doesn’t talk about dating we just have to do the best and follow what we feel like is God’s plan the best that we can. So with that said, yes I do have a boyfriend (Who is pretty stinkin amazing I might add!). So what are some practical ways to stay pure? Be open with your parents. Matt and I both do not live at home. We live on campus, but we still invite our parents to be a vital part of our lives. My parents know matt very well and see him almost a couple of times a week. I do not know his parents quite as well, but that is just because his parents live further away. Anyway though, allow your parents to be a part of your relationship. No matter your age. SET STANDARDS! I can promise you one thing… It is easier said than done. Do it though. Are you willing to kiss, make out, etc? Where are you willing to touch each other? What are you willing to say to each other? Do not overlook an area because I can promise you that will be one of the first areas that you will be tempted. Only date those that you can possibly see yourself marrying. Dating is not a joke. So many people take dating as almost a hobby. I completely disagree. Yes, Ive dated different guys that I will not marry, but I did not know that in the beginning. As soon as I figured it out I broke up with them. I challenge you to do the same. If you are dating someone that you would not want to have a son just like then you should break up with them immediately. A few questions to consider with your relationship is “Would I want someone touching my future husband the way I’m touching my boyfriend?”, “ will I one day regret having to tell my children what I did before marriage?” “Do I find it disturbing that God can see everything I am doing?”. If any of the answers bother you may need to reconsider your relationship. More than anything… keep God the center of your relationship. Keep your boyfriend in mind as someone that you have to present before God as Holy. He is to do the same for you.

I hope this helps! Please know that I am praying for you as you fight this tough battle!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Sex.... Good or bad?

So for the past few weeks I've felt like I haven't put my whole heart into this blog and for that I am TRULY sorry. I want you girls to know that eventhough I do not know each one of you who reads this personally I do care about you. You have no idea the times that I think of things to share with you, verses to encourage you, songs that you can relate to, and just try to come up with a way to share my heart with you. It is a constant part of my life... So with that said I want you to know that this post is one of the main things that has been on my heart lately and I would do absolutely anything for you to get this...

Often we say, "Don’t do this", "That’s not honoring to God", "You better not even be thinking about that!", yet we miss how truly amazing sex was made to be. Our culture has numbed sex down to something that you can do with anyone, at any time, with no strings attached. Is that really the way it is suppose to be though? Not at all... At least not with the mindset that God had when He created it. As I was thinking about this post and what I wanted to say I kept thinking to myself, "I cant possibly describe the amazing ness of sex and God's wonderful plan....". So I started praying that God would give me the words to say... We shall wait and see what happens... I want SO bad for you girls to get this...

First off I want to share with you that sex isn’t bad and in the right time and place sex is not a sinful thing... actually to withhold sex from your partner is sin (1 Corinthians 7:5). In the church sex is often a hush hush subject. What did God think though? Right the opposite… He didn’t hold back at all in His word when talking about sex. Just to be totally honest with you… I’m brought to tears every time I think about God’s wonderful idea (sex) and how hopefully one day I will be able to experience it. I totally understand that there are many girls who have a warped view of sexual intimacy simply because someone did things to them that they should have never done. I remember once writing in a diary how I didn’t want to ever have sex…. I viewed the whole idea as hurtful, shame, guilt, and anything but pleasurable. I’ve had many girls tell me that exact same thing also. You may know what I’m talking about… Is this God’s plan for sex though? NO! Just to make sure you got what I said… I said, “NO!!!!”! This is not His plan at all.

Now, I’ve said a couple of things that God’s plan isn’t. Lets discuss the good side- what God’s plan is! First off it is for you to fall in love with Him… and once that happens for you to find the man of your dreams! If you are in love with God and your desires are the same as His desires then the perfect man that He has will also be the one you want (Psalm 37:4). Isn’t it amazing how those things work out?! ;) For so long I didnt understand that. I thought the falling in love with God part was a drag and that I was gonna have to marry some geek who had no common sense, just studied God's word. I had such a messed up idea though.Girls, over the past year God has completely become the love of my life... I'm 100% satsified with not having a boyfriend. Of course I would like to have one, but Im willing to wait. Are you to that point in your life? People ask me why I do not date. They wonder if im against it or what, but the truth is I just havent met the right guy and Im willing to wait until I find him. I;m enjoying spending my time getting closer to God and improving my life so that I will one day be a better wife! On with my post though... :) Then for two to become one is God’s plan…. Maybe I’m just weird, but this is when I start getting chill bumps. We so often talk about not doing this or that bc of how hard it will be once you get married, but lets look at it from the positive side, for those of you who have waited and have worked so hard to save your heart. You will have nothing at all to hide…nothing to be afraid of… no regrets… Isn’t that an amazing thought? I’m not sure about you, but that makes me all the more determined to wait! I remember a woman that I look up to telling me, “Focus on the man at the end of the aisle!”. You may have no idea what so ever who he is, but that’s ok. His face can be blurry. The principal still stands though, you will want to know without a doubt as you walk down that aisle that you are giving him every last bit of yourself. No one else has any part of you that belongs to him! Then that night as you enter into your marriage you will not have to fight off past memories, regrets, flashbacks or anything like that.

Want to know one thing that just fascinates me? If you keep reading you will have no choice! ;) It is how soothing a woman’s breast can be. Again, this is where the church has become so hush hush about this, but im just going to be real with you. Song of Solomon discusses this. (Song of Solomon 7:7-8 Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said, "I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit. May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples.) Have you ever noticed how if a child falls or is scared a woman can pick the child up and hold them near to herself and everything seems to go away? I imagine it is the same way for a man. Of course, not exactly, but please try to follow me. A woman’s breast brings comfort… this is the way God made it to be girls! Our world has made it to where the only time a woman’s breast is mentioned is when it is the blunt end of a disgusting joke or prank. That’s not the way God planned it though… Do you see the difference?! I hope so…

Another thing that I find amazing is how a guy is made to pursue the girl! Our culture says that women are as good at anything if not better than guys. Does that mean we have to though or that it is right too? Not at all... Have you ever thought about having a guy truly fall madly in love with you? To have him be willing to do anything for you? Of course! Doesn't every girl?! Girls now are the ones who ask guys out, make the first move, pursue them and then we wonder where the romance went. I also associate this with while having sex the man is normally on top. Not always, but most of the time. Do you get my point girls? Let God's plan work out the way He planned it and it will fulfill everyone of your God given desires! It may just be me, but I think it is beautiful the way God designed men to be the pursuers!

Finally, I want to say one more thing. We have mentioned a couple of times about writing your future husbands. I’ve heard many girls say they think it’s corny and that is perfectly fine if you do. I myself do not think it is. It is a wonderful way to, “focus on the guy at the end of the aisle” as I mentioned earlier! Share your heart… For those of you who have had feelings awakened that you wish were not, whether it be by choice or your innocence was taken from you. This is a great way to take those thoughts captive and focus them on where they should be. For you girls who have been abused, hurt, crushed, I challenge you to seek the face of God… PRAY and ask Him to show you Himself… His plan… and His will. It may seem impossible, but I promise you it isn’t. He wants to revel Himself to you. You have to let Him though. Are you willing to? I honestly think being willing to let go of the pain is often the hardest part… I pray earnestly for you girls that are at that point…

I love each and every one of you girls! As your sister in Christ I want you to view sex in the way that God wants you to…

With loving care,


Thursday, April 5, 2012

When I was 6, someone that was supposed to be safe in a place that was supposed to be safe, asked me if I wanted to kiss.  

I said yes.

When I was 6, someone who was supposed to be safe in a place that was supposed to be safe, touched me in  an inappropriate manner.

I said nothing.

I let it...because I liked it. 
That sounds terrible, and it's terrifying to write. But I must tell the truth.
It lasted I don't know how long, a few times here and there. It ended when my father discovered it.

When I was older & could consider it all, I sometimes thought- I'm messed up. I'm dirty.
Why am I telling the Internet world this? Why am I telling you this? 
Because I believe that vulnerability heals. In the hidden, we shame ourselves, or let others shame us. We tell ourselves we're unworthy, or let others tell us. Whispers, constant whispers in our souls, telling us that our actions...our actions are more powerful than who we are.  

But is this true? No! Actions may often speak louder than words, but nothing speaks louder than the essence within us. It shines, lovely, whether you see it or not. Don't hide it with shame, guilt, self doubt, and regret. 

Release. Forgive yourself. 

 I am so blessed to have a very conscious supportive mother. She did everything she could to prevent me feeling those negative feelings. She told me that it was natural that physical sensations should be pleasing. She encouraged me to speak to her about everything then, and ever after, so that secrets and lies wouldn't damage me. 

I know not all girls are so fortunate. My heart is with you, if you are one of the girls who has not spoken out, who feels rejected or unworthy, or has no support. I encourage you to speak your story, if you haven't, or be an open heart to hear stories. I encourage you to be vulnerable, with yourself first, let yourself off the hook, & keep yourself safe. It's scary to speak, but we are not as isolated as our silence convinces us. If you have no idea what or where a safe space is, I encourage you to seek out your local YWCA, and investigate their services. 

How did I release those feelings? How do I, rather. It's a choice, sometimes daily, to forgive myself (for any mistakes I make) and release myself. My journey began when I read Brene Brown's book, I thought it was Just me (but it isn't) Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power. Her book on shame was transformative (she knows what she's talking about, 12 years research). 

She explains that guilt and shame are two very different things. Guilt is feeling bad because you've done something perceived as bad. Shame is feeling that you are bad. Which do you feel most, and why? 

I've often read stories by women who had no knowledge or regard for purity, for keeping love unawakened. When they were older and felt the conviction of the path of purity, they felt it was too late. These stories usually end in them realizing they could have a beautiful marriage, and renew their hearts and minds, even though they made mistakes. 

What of us who had hardly a chance to remain physically pure? What of us who had our love awakened with complete unawareness? Are we impure? 

It pains me to think anyone would think so!! 

It doesn't matter how physically pure you are, if your spirit, your soul, your self is pure. And I believe that each of you young ladies reading this blog have a purity and innocence within that no one can take away. 

Don't let your mistakes or what others have done to you shut you down. You are beautiful and powerful beyond comprehension! Use the power of rebirth to transform yourself. Kill those unhealthy ways of thinking (this is where feelings start), kill your guilt, shame, regret. Set them on fire. From the ashes, recreate something magnificently moving. You can do it.  

For you literal folks- get a sheet of paper, write everything you think and feel that's holding you back from embracing your purity, and safely burn it. Or flush it down the toilet. After ripping it into as many pieces as possible!!! :)

You may shed tears. It will hurt. It's scary. But who you are  is oh so much more powerful than your circumstances and feelings!! 

with love <3

Katherine is a teenage entrepreneur, rebelutionary, & photographer. Refining her life with authenticity & inspiration, she writes Observations on Becoming. She lives in Pennsylvania with her role model parents, genius brother, & divinely demented dogs. Some of her favored entertainments & aspirations are learning Spanish & Hebrew, loving on the piano, psychological astrology, foreign accents, connecting with beautiful souls, salsa & belly dancing, & writing. She's passionate about personifying the power of the Phoenix.