Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Can Guys and Girls Be Friends?

If I could only count how many times I've heard this question or asked it myself. What do you think? Over the last semester or so I've really began to dig into this question and figure it out. Yes, for everyone it is different and every situation is different yet from what I've observed and lived out in my own life I do believe it is possible. I whole heartily believe that it can be awkward at times and get sticky, but it is not impossible. What does the Bible say about it? Honestly it says nothing that I can find although it does talk about how to be a friend. Shouldn't this apply to being friends with guys? I think so.

Here is the real deal... In friendships we have basic rules/guidelines that if you follow these it will make for a good or at least decent friendship. These guidelines are those such as be honest, be caring, do not talk about the person behind their back, be real with them, enjoy and appreciate their friendship, and value them as a person. This is common sense right? Why do we so freak out when it comes to guys? Below is a typical scenario.....

Guy (Bob) and girl (Sally) are friends. They are cool with each other and just like to have fun. No big pressure or anything. They just have alot in common and enjoy each others company. Well one day Bob gets the bright idea in his mind that he might like Sally. She just happens to be looking extra pretty one day and he notices her in a different light. Well sally finds out and it completely freaks her out. How could he like her?! She thought they were just friends. Didn't they discuss this before? So she calls her friend Hannah to get advice on the situation and to see if she can believe that he likes her. Hannah is applaud by the news and advises Sally to just kinda back off. Don't say anything to him bc you might hurt hum, but just don't really hang out with him much and he will get the idea. So sally takes Hannah's advice. She isn't completely rude to him, but it is obvious that their friendship has changed. Along the way Sally doesn't really tell many people or at least unless they ask or mention his name. besides she is still in shock and all weirded out that he even likes her.

So, that may be a tad over dramatic, but if you are honest you know it is to an extent realistic. What is wrong with this picture? First off, Sally needs to keep her everlovin mouth shut. I know it is easier said than done, but girls we are called to be above board and if we were to be completely honest we often times bad mouth guys. How is that honoring Christ? You do not need to go ask someone for advice. You know what you need to do! If you are maybe confused about your feelings than ask someone older and wiser, not your peers. That is gossip. We need to Keep.Our.Mouth.Shut! Secondly, was she ever honest with him about her feelings? No. She took Hannah's advice and just kinda ignored him. What kind of friend is that? Yes, it may hurt for just a second for him to hear that you do not feel the same way back, but goodness do you not think that it would hurt just as bad if not worse for you to ignore him and act all weird around him? He will figure it out eventually and by then he will just have been hurt more. Be a woman of integrity and have the guts to have a honest open conversation. Of course be nice when breaking the news to him. Do not avoid the situation though. For lack of better words that is being a coward. Do not do it through txt or email (Unless he told you that way). Once again, have integrity and face him. Next, why are we so surprised when a guy likes us? Last semester I honestly dealt with this alot. My roommate and I were constantly saying "Why does he like me?!" when here is the reality... You are a Godly, sweet, beautiful woman. He obviously from the beginning has seen something in you that he liked or he would not have wanted to be your friend. So why are you so surprised? I do not know you personally, but I am sure there is no reason for a guy not to like you. Quit being so shocked and surprised! Of course do not get a big head or none of the guys will like you, but a little reality never hurt anyone! A guy would be lucky to have you!

With all that said it is normal for there to be times in friendships where one or the other likes the other one. It is really not as big as we make it. We over exaggerate and then it causes everything to be awkward which then makes the friendship rocky. Just be real. He is not a freak for liking you.... so why do we treat them as such?

Being Real!



Offset said...

Haha, oh wow that was good. Thanks for posting.

Marie said...

I had SO many issues with this as a teen. I had a pretty big mix of friends, girls & guys both. And there were always talk of who maybe liked who and it got really messy and at times was complicated! I think HONESTY is the key of guys and girls being friends!

And I still managed to have quite of few friends that were boys, and it was just friendship. So I definitely think it can be done! :) Good post!!!

Godsgirlz1 said...

This is a really good post. Thank you for writing it. I have a lot of guy friends. I don't really know if any of them like me for more than a friend, but this post really helped me to know what would be a good way to handle the situation if it did come up.

Would you like to check out my blog?


Giann said...

nice post, JEN! Here is a link that might interest you.....


Katherine said...

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you being real!!! That's what's needed!


Bush Maid said...

This was a very good post, thankyou so much for sharing. :) I saw your comment on Bethany Davies' blog, and found this from there. :)