Monday, May 14, 2012

Katherine Guest Post

When I was 6, someone that was supposed to be safe in a place that was supposed to be safe, asked me if I wanted to kiss.  

I said yes.

When I was 6, someone who was supposed to be safe in a place that was supposed to be safe, touched me in  an inappropriate manner.

I said nothing.

I let it...because I liked it. 

That sounds terrible, and it's terrifying to write. But I must tell the truth.

It lasted I don't know how long, a few times here and there. It ended when my father discovered it.

When I was older & could consider it all, I sometimes thought- I'm messed up. I'm dirty. 

Why am I telling the Internet world this? Why am I telling you this? 

Because I believe that vulnerability heals. In the hidden, we shame ourselves, or let others shame us. We tell ourselves we're unworthy, or let others tell us. Whispers, constant whispers in our souls, telling us that our actions...our actions are more powerful than who we are.  

But is this true? No! Actions may often speak louder than words, but nothing speaks louder than the essence within us. It shines, lovely, whether you see it or not. Don't hide it with shame, guilt, self doubt, and regret. 

Release. Forgive yourself. 

I am so blessed to have a very conscious supportive mother. She did everything she could to prevent me feeling those negative feelings. She told me that it was natural that physical sensations should be pleasing. She encouraged me to speak to her about everything then, and ever after, so that secrets and lies wouldn't damage me. 

I know not all girls are so fortunate. My heart is with you, if you are one of the girls who has not spoken out, who feels rejected or unworthy, or has no support. I encourage you to speak your story, if you haven't, or be an open heart to hear stories. I encourage you to be vulnerable, with yourself first, let yourself off the hook, & keep yourself safe. It's scary to speak, but we are not as isolated as our silence convinces us. If you have no idea what or where a safe space is, I encourage you to seek out your local YWCA, and investigate their services. 

How did I release those feelings? How do I, rather. It's a choice, sometimes daily, to forgive myself (for any mistakes I make) and release myself. My journey began when I read Brene Brown's book, I thought it was Just me (but it isn't) Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power. Her book on shame was transformative (she knows what she's talking about, 12 years research). 

She explains that guilt and shame are two very different things. Guilt is feeling bad because you've done something perceived as bad. Shame is feeling that you are bad. Which do you feel most, and why? 

I've often read stories by women who had no knowledge or regard for purity, for keeping love unawakened. When they were older and felt the conviction of the path of purity, they felt it was too late. These stories usually end in them realizing they could have a beautiful marriage, and renew their hearts and minds, even though they made mistakes. 

What of us who had hardly a chance to remain physically pure? What of us who had our love awakened with complete unawareness? Are we impure? 

It pains me to think anyone would think so!! 

It doesn't matter how physically pure you are, if your spirit, your soul, your self is pure. And I believe that each of you young ladies reading this blog have a purity and innocence within that no one can take away. 

Don't let your mistakes or what others have done to you shut you down. You are beautiful and powerful beyond comprehension! Use the power of rebirth to transform yourself. Kill those unhealthy ways of thinking (this is where feelings start), kill your guilt, shame, regret. Set them on fire. From the ashes, recreate something magnificently moving. You can do it. 

For you literal folks- get a sheet of paper, write everything you think and feel that's holding you back from embracing your purity, and safely burn it. Or flush it down the toilet. After ripping it into as many pieces as possible!!! :)

You may shed tears. It will hurt. It's scary. But who you are  is oh so much more powerful than your circumstances and feelings!! 

with love <3

Katherine is a teenage entrepreneur, rebelutionary, & photographer. Refining her life with authenticity & inspiration, she writes Observations on Becoming. She lives in Pennsylvania with her role model parents, genius brother, & divinely demented dogs. Some of her favored entertainments & aspirations are learning Spanish & Hebrew, loving on the piano, psychological astrology, foreign accents, connecting with beautiful souls, salsa & belly dancing, & writing. She's passionate about personifying the power of the Phoenix. 

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