Friday, June 22, 2012

Dating or Courting.... Either a sin?

So, the question is often asked, "Should I court or date?" This can be a very opinated topic and many people feel strongly one way or the other, but hopefully this post will help you see that it is not one or the other, but that it is about the heart. Each person has a different idea of courting. Some are more conservative and some are not. Some have a conservative idea of dating and some do not. Each persons’ idea is different. By Webster’s definition....

Dating: To have a date with

Courting: To engage in social activities within seek of engagement.

I will be honest with you girls from the beginning... I have no problem with a girl dating a guy (I'm in a dating relationship myself.), but I'm also very pro courting. What is the difference between the two? The main difference I see is that courting has the main purpose of leading to marriage where dating is often get together and break up the next day. My personal stand on this whole issue though is it is not what you call it, but how you handle it! I've known people who courted who got into just as much sin as people who dated did. I've also known plenty of people who dated who had a completely God honoring relationship. So, it is not about what you call it that makes one better than the other. It is how YOU act that makes the difference. It is often said that when dating you have more time alone and this can be true. Does it have to be though? Couples who are courting also have many opportunities to be alone. It is up to the couple to choose whether they take those opportunities or not. Do courting couples often stay further away from sexual sin? Some do and some don’t. It is the same exact thing with people who have dated.

Now I’m sure I have some of you pretty upset seeing that many of you have parents who only allow courting and that’s all you've ever really been allowed to do. That is great! Go thank your parents for that! My whole point in this is to make you realize that it is not what you call it that makes it OK or not it is what you do and how you act that makes it OK or not! Just like going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, courting does not make you pure. Also, to any parents who read my blog.... Just b/c your child courts and does not date, this is not an "I'm safe from anything happening" Seek God.... See what HE wants you to do! It may be date, court, or somewhere in the middle! As I’ve said time and time before, you know where you struggle and if dating causes to many temptations then do not do it!

I do believe that courting has one VERY strong pull and that is that it generally is wayyyyyy more focused on marriage. I see girls who date guy after guy and it becomes nothing for them to break up and a broken heart almost becomes nothing. is this the way it is suppose to be? NO! Dating was never mentioned in the Bible. The purpose of dating is to find the one and only man you will marry. I am not for any other kind. It is not OK to date just for fun... dating is not a game. This is where courting generally helps cut down on the breakups and in the long run saves many broken hearts. You can court and give your heart away just as easily though...

Girls, talk to your parents! See what they think about it. Maybe you feel that dating is OK, but they do not. This is when you have to choose to obey them even if it isn’t what you want to do. They have your best interest at heart and they know you better than you think they do. Trust and obey them b/c I promise you that if you go behind their back and date a guy God will not bless your relationship.

Below is a list of healthy relationship habits whether it be courting or dating relationship!

1. Do not spend to much time alone
2. Have Emotional Boundaries  (I love you, how dependant, etc)
3. Have Physical Boundaries (Self explanatory... think of all possibilities ahead of time!)
4. Involve parents
5. Have accountability partners
7. Seek the face of God...
8. Keep friends (Besides your significant other)

Praying for you!



Callie Nicole said...

I completely agree with you in this post - I think whether you call it dating or courting, it's the intent and attitude behind it that matters most! I think too many Christian families get caught up in terminology and let it be divisive, when really we're all trying to teach our kids the same thing - to date with the intention of finding a spouse, not flippantly. Good thoughts!

Shelley said...

I totally agree that it's not what you call it, but the way you and your partner/boyfriend go about doing it. Great post and healthy habits list! :)

Miss Rachael said...

I love that you called the list "healthy relationship habits". You are so right - these are habits and part of a lifestyle we should live whether courting, dating or single! Or married for that matter, though some of the boundaries change in that situation.
I think however you go about it, glorifying God should be highest priority. Not even all courtships end in marriage, but if marriage has not been the end goal and glorifying God has, I would pray both sides could walk away without huge regrets.
I'm interested to see how my opinion on all this changes once I experience it for myself... but thank you for sharing your thoughts! (and now I shall go read the post in your sidebar that's titled, "I'M ENGAGED!" :D how exciting!)