Monday, July 23, 2012

Abuse- Real stuff

So I said I wasn’t going to be blogging much or anymore, but God has really been teaching me something and I wanted to share it. I would love to spare someone else from learning something the hard way! J Im going to tell a long story short with very few details. I was physically taken advantage of, but way more than that emotionally abused by a friend. It was only a few years ago. I went to counseling and thought I had it all together. I never once said I was angry at the person. For that matter I always quickly said that I forgave them. If you knew me much you would know that my personality is quite completely opposite of anger. I wasn’t even sure I knew how to feel angry. My parents kept asking me and expecting me to be, but I wasn’t. Long story short years have passed and I almost hardly ever thought about it. Until one night I broke. I cried and cried and cried. More tears than I had cried in all my life put together. Matt was the sweetest and even though he couldn’t understand or really answer any of my questions that had been buried for so long. I told him everything I could remember that the person did, said, every way they deceived, lied, and hurt me. I had never had anyone sit down and listen to it all…. Either I had covered it up or they didn’t care to listen. Also a lot had been blocked…. When I would think of one thing it would remind me of another thing. It went on and on and on. I remembered more than I thought I did and as I began to face the stories the emotions came back that I had held hidden for so long. It was amazing how refreshed I felt the next morning when I began seeking the face of the Lord over what had happened. It hit me like a ton of bricks though when I was reading in Matthew where God talks about anger and allowing HIM to get revenge. Ouch… I had never looked at the situation through the eyes of anger. I had, but I didn’t see it as that. I was angry at what they did, that the person didn’t seem to care a lick afterwards, that the people I did choose to share this private info with either didn’t stand up for me, turned away, or completely, ditched me. Not once had someone ever just said tell me what you remember… they always acted awkwardly, talked as if they knew it all, or chose the easy way out. Not one was a true friend. I would have never admitted it before, but I was hurt and angry about it. Can I put a plug in here? Talk to your parents… My parents were the only ones that supported me fully! We didn’t talk about it much because I chose not to, but they stepped up, defended me, protected me, comforted me, got me the help I needed, and so much more. If you are dealing with anything like this I challenge you to talk to your parents! They love you like no one else ever will. So back to the point though I had been angry and didn’t even realize it. Not like punching angry, but I had built up a wall between God and people. “Why did He let that happen to me? I was so innocent.” I kept asking Matt. He had nothing to say except that it wasn’t in vain and that it had a purpose. I cried again. I began to beg God to tear down that wall I had built up out of hurt, pain, and anger. I had also built it between people.  You probably would have never seen it If you knew me, but I had often over the past few years wondered why it wasn’t just a flow of love like it use to be. It was harder and seemed unreal sometimes. That’s because I viewed everyone through the eyes of they would hurt me. The wall wasn’t torn down instantly and it probably still isn’t, but I am in the process of tearing it down piece by piece. I share this with you for a few reasons… First if you have been abused in ANY fashion do not bottle it up. It will come out at some point and until it does it will just fester and fester getting uglier and uglier. Be real. Its ok to admit the pain and anger. God knows it anyway. I personally think it is better to be honest that you are angry than to fake that you aren’t. That’s lying and being angry then. Be real. Then talk to someone. I pray that you have someone who will just listen to you as much as you want to talk and share. That is a special gift. If you are a friend of someone who has gone through something like this or been abused in anyway LISTEN! Don’t try to answer, fix, or anything. If you aren’t sure you can handle it then don’t start listening. Stick it out. True friends do. Whatever you do not make your friend regret that they told you. They trust you with valuable information. Respect it! If you have been through something or know someone who has I’m willing to listen. That is one good thing that came out of all of it, I felt a call into counseling to help others who faced things like this. I’m here and I do care! Feel free to email me anytime jennifer.rochester@charter.net . I wish I would have had someone to listen. Please pray for me as I continue to grow from this and I pray for anyone of you who may be dealing with any of this. You are loved and you deserve for someone to listen to you!

 With all that said… Abuse is real. I do not tell you all of this to get pity or anything of the sort. I tell you this to give glory to God and to be real with you myself. I want to be an example and an encouragement to others. I wish i would have read something like this when i was going through it all...

It doesn’t have to be all out rape to be abuse. Abuse in many cases is overlooked because the person abused is so deceived that they actually believe they deserve it. Girls (and guys for that matter!) STAND UP! You have the right to be hurt and upset! You have the right to be heard and cared for! Know that I am praying for you and that I do care. You are beautiful and loved!

Jen

3 comments:

Ron @ Portable Sunshine said...

Hello Jen. I think this emotion was buried way too deep. I also did this before, intentionally forgetting things that hurt me but eventually, once something reminds you of it, it can really lead you to a breakdown. But I guess it's a great thing that you let it all out. carrying it forever could be a bit dangerous. Praying for your peace :)

Shelley said...

I'll pray for you! :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for writing this!
-I had a friend once that really just abused with her words and it was a constant tare-down situation. i finally talked to my parents about it, and things eventually worked out for the better with the friend leaving, but it still hurt to have all that emotional pain to deal with. so anyways thanks for encouraging me to let go of the pain and anger... :)