Michelle's Story!

The summer after I graduated high school, I got pregnant. I was the girl who thought “that won’t happen to me” but it did. I was getting ready to go to college and I was the first one in my family to do that and so I thought it would be better to have a college education than a baby at that time. I was so scared about telling anyone that I told only a couple of people: my sister was one of them. She made all the arrangements for me and I remember being in the waiting room of the clinic and wondering how it was that I got there. I cried the entire time. I remember the “counselor” telling me it was just a blob of tissue and that it wasn’t really a baby and then I remember waking up during the procedure crying and the doctor telling me to go back to sleep. Then I remember waking up in the recovery room on a mattress that was on the floor next to a couple other girls. I didn’t realize the emotional toll that it would take on my life. Nobody told me about that part. For the last 14 years I have been living with this secret, and I hid behind a mask that made it look like everything was ok on the outside but on the inside I was dying.

I was going to a local MOPS meeting and a friend of mine wanted to play a video about all the different ministries that Sav A Life has. I froze in place and didn’t even want to watch the video- and nobody saw the tears that I had in my eyes throughout the video but I finally got up enough courage to tell that friend about my suffering. She said she’d go with me to Sav a Life and let me talk to some people who could help. I wanted to be a counselor to educate girls and try to stop them from making the terrible decision that I made to end my baby’s life and they told me that I’d have to go through the Abortion Recovery Assistance bible study first. I didn’t even know something like that existed and it scared me. I thought “I can’t talk about this. This is my secret. Nobody will ever understand. They’ll judge me.” The first night of the study none of the other girls in the lobby really talked much- but then we ate a wonderful dinner that some special volunteers made for us and then at the end of the study, they gave us a gift. Now I can only speak for myself when I say that I didn’t feel worthy enough to receive a gift but these women that were facilitating the bible study just showered us with love. They did this every week.

For the last 14 years I had built up this brick wall between me and Jesus because I thought he couldn’t love me after I aborted my baby. In all other aspects of my life I was doing pretty good but this was the big one- the one he could never forgive me for but I was tired of the shame and the guilt that the Devil gave to me everyday. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of what I’d done. Well, every week of the bible study that brick wall got smaller and smaller and by the time the course was done- the brick wall was gone and Jesus was waiting for me on the other side saying “see Michelle, I told you I still love you, I told you I’ve forgiven you, I really don’t even know what you’re talking about.” Being able to talk about my past in this safe and loving environment was the best thing I’ve ever done. It allowed me to see the true character of God and that he doesn’t want me to live a life of shame and guilt- that doesn’t come from Him. I was finally able to forgive myself and to accept God’s forgiveness. Now the regret will always be there but the shame and the guilt are gone thanks to this wonderful ministry. Now I’m a co-facilitator in the bible study seeing the healing that God is bringing to many other women who have been in my same shoes and it is a privilege to give God the glory out of a terrible situation.

Michelle

Weekend Chat!

Woohoo! It's the weekend again! So as you are sitting back, relaxing and enjoying your weekend, feel free to post any questions or comments on here. We are happy to discuss whatever is on YOUR mind.

love, Kat

What is defined as, "Sexually Impure"?

Hey darlin!

So, we've talked about this a good bit, but I do not think we have ever been straight forward as to what is sex/wrong and what is not. Now please realize.... that this is all Jennifer's opinion, yet I have taken the time to base my views on God's word!

Here it goes... What counts as "Real" sex? President Clinton says that oral sex doesn't count...do you agree? What about phone sex, fingering, making out, feeling each other up, kissing, cuddling, and etc? Here is my second question... Do any of these bring glory to God? I'm not even going to start saying what is right and what is wrong bc there is no definite answer. It is different for every person. My personal standard is that I do not want to kiss a guy to my wedding day. Now, do i think that kissing is wrong? No! Yet, I do know that I have a hard time saying no sometimes especially if it is in a close situation. You may be different! You just have to know what your weaknesses are and how you can best deal with them. Say that you are cool with kissing, but what about making out? If you are making out and the guys hands starting moving in places that they shouldn't. Will you be ok with that or will you try to stop him? If he keeps going... where is your stopping point? Also, as far as phone sex or cyber sex... whatever you want to call it! What is appropriate to talk to a guy about? Can I just be straight up honest with you? If you would have a hard time explaining what you are talking to the guy about to your parents or are hiding it from them it is wrong. Period. I didn't believe that for a long time and then i suddenly realized how true it was. Also... we have discussed doing what ever you do your bf in front of your parents and God, but what about your future husband? Would it be akaward or painful for your husband to see what you do with your bf? Would you want your future husband doing what you are doing with his GF? Most of the time I highly doubt it... I'm all about holding hands, cuddling, anything innocent, but so often things get taken to far.

Many mornings I wake up and pray the verse Psalm 19:14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Girls... be real with yourself! Do your actions (just show what your heart is truly like) glorify God??

I think one of the biggest lies that I see girls bite into is that to get him to "love" me or even like me I have to give him what he wants.... That is SOOOOOO (Yes, Im yelling at you. I mean this with all my heart!!) not true!!! Honey, please realize that love does NOT require it's own way (check out post, "If you love me your will")!!!

I just challenge you to think! I know it feels good... but in the long run will it be worth it? Also, who means more to you....God or that "special" guy?

Love,
JEN

Thought Filled Thursday!

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." -African Proverb. Girls, we have to stick together as the body of Christ. We are each important to the body, and if we work together we can make a huge impact for God's kingdom!!!

Love, Kat

Word Filled Wednesday!

Romans 12: 2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-- his good, pleasing and perfect will." It's so easy to get caught up in the things of this world, but remember, they won't last! Focus on God's word and his will, because they last forever!

Love, Kat

Commitment Level

Okay, so we have talked many times about how God needs to be your main focus, and a "love life" should follow his timing and such. But tonight I want to pose a couple of tough questions for you. Tonight is gonna be short and to the point.

Let's look at it like this. Maybe God's will for your life is that you don't marry, instead you pour your heart and soul into maybe missions, all for his glory. Would you be willing to do it? Would you be willing to give up the dream of a fairytale romance? Would you be willing to still uphold purity standards? Now you may just wanna say yes and move on. You may want to pretend you never read this post, but think about it. This all comes down to commitment level, and can be applied to any part of your life, not just purity. My challenge to you is to commit to God's will for your life. Some of you may not be there, and I want you to know I'm praying for you. I don't think you're a bad person for not being ready to make that commitment, it's a tough one to make, but it's worth it. But some of you may be ready, and I encourage you to pray, seek God's will, and do it. Commitment levels are sometimes hard to measure, but I'll leave you with this. If God asked you to give up your most valued material possession, or your anything you love to do, would you give it up?

-Kat

Here's the deal...

I'm SO sorry that we did not have a testimony yesterday. Many people have volunteered and many are planning on writing one, yet sometimes they do not come in at the exact time we need them. So... what we have decided to do is on the weeks that no one has the time to write their story we are going to write a biography of someone in the Bible! How does that sound?

Here are the ways you can help though... Be willing to share your testimony! Honestly we are not extremely picky about what you say. Just as long as it lines up with God's word! Also... If you would like to write one of the biographies one week let me know! If you have already done your testimony, yet there is a character in the Bible who has really stuck out to you, let us know! We are open to help!

Love you girls!
JEN