What do guys REALLY want?

Lets be honest girls... we all want a guy. It's that simple. We love God and we want God to guide our relationships, but that also means we want a guy. Is that a bad thing? I think not! God created us to be this way! It's truly a beautiful thing! So, my question is... what do guys really want in a girl? Does he want her to be totally hot, "experienced", and always ready for a party? Some guys may, but from what I've observed the type of guy I'm hoping you would want and the type of guy I would like to have doesn't quite find that so attractive. Follow me here.... Last week in youth our youth minister was talking about purity and he asked the guys (Keep in mind these are just typical teen guys... not some oh Holy ones. just normal guys.) how many of them wanted a girl who had never been "around". I was astonished by the response! Only two out of about thirty guys did not raise their hands. Does this seem right? Honestly... it doesn't. The way it often looks is that the guys are all over the girls who do not value themselves and will give anything. In reality though yes guys may give those girls attention, but when you talk marriage and settling down they want the girl who has waited. Now, I will go ahead and say.... God and i have talked about this alot lately. I have a hard time feeling that it's fair. As my daddy always told me growing up though, "Life isn't always fair.". Why am I saying all this? To open your eyes to the fact that what you see isn't always what is truly happening.

Another thing that guys want... this is just purely from observation and reading many books (including the Bible!). Guys want a woman who wants (Notice.... not just will, but wants to!) to follow God's plan for women. When i say this I do not mean to start a debate on women's rights. I simply mean God has placed inside a man a want to be the leader of the home and at the same time the desire to treat his wife as if she is a princess. It is not that he thinks he is any better than her, but simply he wants to protect her and guide her. I personally believe that we as girls have this pride about us that we think we do not need a mans help or his guidance. This may be true.... women can do anything that men can do, although i challenge you to think... is that the way God created it to be? Yes, it is possible for women to be the same as men, but does that mean it is the best way to do it? I strongly believe it isn't. The other night some of us were sitting outside the dorms and one of the guys made a comment about how he would love to see his wife over the stove with a baby on her hip, My first response was to be offended. Shouldn't i have been? Not at all. He didn't mean it as if he wanted his wife to be his slave or anything of the sort. he was simply saying how to him and other guys for that matter it is simply beautiful to see a woman taking care of her family and holding a child. Was he saying he would never cook or hold the child? No! He didn't say that and he didn't mean that either. He was just stating a fact that he found that attractive. So, I say to you.... Enjoy your femininity! Guys do! Why shouldn't we? Learn to enjoy cooking, cleaning, caring for children, and serving your dad! It isn't a bad thing. Honestly, i find it comforting.... there is comfort in knowing that my dad has my best interest at heart and that he is watching out for me. It will be the same way when i have a husband!

JEN

David's Heart!

Purity Modesty and The Male Mind

I was 7 the first time I was exposed to a dirty magazine. My friend’s dad had a stash in his basement he thought no one knew about. He was wrong.

On average first time exposure happens at age 11; we’re talking 5^th and 6^th graders here. Now why am I bringing this up in the middle of a series on modesty and purity? Because I want to give you all a true male’s perspective. Yes, a male who has been saved by Christ alone, but a visceral desire-oriented male nonetheless.

We fight an uphill battle, I fight an uphill battle; constantly pulled between what I know is right and what I fool myself into accepting as good. Even at a young age, both boys and girls are shown what is contrary to Christian morality and, as I think, true Christian beauty. Men are at a disadvantage in some respects because of the apathetic approach to correcting their distorted views. It’s hard to correct something everyone struggles with. Our sin of lust is far more than simply looking at what we shouldn’t, it creeps into the very pours of our desires and warps our ability to experience the ‘new life’ God promises.

But here, ladies, is where you enter.

Why bother being modest? Because, and please believe me when I say this, it stands in such stark contrast to everything else we see. Purity is not some ethereal concept we pursue, it’s real – as real as what we choose to wear, as real as what we choose to let our thoughts drift towards and as real as what our source appears to be.

For women it’s worth and for men it’s joy.

This is the answer to being pure.

Remember Matthew 5:8. What does this “they will see God” mean? In short (if I don’t cut myself off sometime we could be here a really long time), usually women struggling with this issue need to reevaluate where they believe their worth comes from. That will show you where your investments are going: investments of time, of thought, of money, of emotion. If you see your worth in Christ, if you understand your beauty as being directly tied to who you are in him – then aren’t you going to see God more clearly? And isn’t purity going to be a natural side-effect of you seeing things as they truly are, namely yourself?

For the guys reading, and I am taking idea this straight from Piper and Driscoll, you have to be on guard to see where your joy comes from. Too often we settle and stop short of the immense pleasure we could experience in God. You have to become dissatisfied with anything less than the extraordinary – only then can you desire the joy found in Christ alone – and then you will see God because your desire is pure.

I guess when it comes down to it, you can measure a person’s purity by asking how valuable Christ is to them. Is He the source of your worth, of your joy? If not, than what reason is there to chase after purity? It seems like a lot of work for very little reward, if that reward is anything outside of Christ.

But it is worth it. And ladies, guys do notice – more than you could ever know.

Immodesty may grab our attention, but purity will win our affection.

David

Flashback Friday- Feeling Alone...

Have you ever felt alone? Like no one really cares about you and you just wish some guy found you attractive... Even if you just turned down a guy a few days earlier. You can be in a crowd of people or the most popular person around yet you still feel as if no one TRULY cares about you. Have you ever felt that way? I know I have... recently in fact. I ask you this today for the simple fact that I want you to know that you are not alone! As souled out to purity as I am I often forget this. When I see friends who have made wrong choices with guys and have pretty much given themselves away, yet they have good guys still it hurts. It makes me wonder if it is worth the wait... Am I the only single person in this world? Is there something wrong with me that makes guys not like me? The answer is absolutely not! One of the biggest lies that satan will use on you if you are single or if you are pursuing purity is that you are the only one who is trying! No one can make it on their own...

This is a quote that I took out of the book, "Lady In Waiting" it says, " Rather than staying home worrying about another dateless Saturday night, realize how much valuable time has been entrusted to you at this point in your life. Rather than resent your many single hours, embrace them as a gift from God, a package that contains opportunities to serve Him that are limited only by your own self pity and lack of obedience.". Did you get that last part? So often we let our self pity and our lack of obedience (To find joy in every situation) hinder us from what all God has planned for us! Do you want it to be that way? I doubt it... SO, with all the love in my heart (I'm saying this to myself also!) GET OVER YOUR SELF PITY! Serve God in ways that you can only do at this stage in your life!

Also, with God there is no such thing as being alone. A friend of mine and I were discussing this and here is what we came up with. With God we are never truly alone, yet we can feel lonely. We are made to want to be with someone! Feeling lonely and feeling all alone is totally different things. Following me?

With all that said...when you are feeling lonely what are some things you can do to get over that? First off pray... talk to God! He wants to hear that you are lonely... It also helps take away that twinge of pain. Secondly, Read a book or listen to music! I do not advise love novels or something that will just make you feel worse, but something that will lift your spirits! Also, have you ever thought of writing your future husband? I LOVE it!! Even though it sounds ridiculous it helps you focus on the one guy that you should be focusing on, your future husband! Tell him your thoughts, hurts, fears, joys, loves, everything! You can tell him how hard it is on your to wait, yet you are still pursuing it! It will mean the world to him one day! :)

I hope this helps! Just remember... you are not alone!

JEN

Thought for the day...

How can you be friends with guys without being more? Any ideas?

Words from Cindy!

Hello My Sweets ;)

There are many different topics I discuss with teenagers when I go into a school to talk about abstinence.  One thing I see girls, of any age, deal with is self esteem.  Many girls/young women/adult women get caught up in what the media and Hollywood say is acceptable.  The media and Hollywood lie to women, whether they are a teenager, college age, or middle age.  The media and Hollywood have convinced you in order to be happy, successful, and accepted, you must be a size "0" and weigh "95" lbs.  The women we see in magazines have lived a life starving themselves and more than likely many consume alcohol and drugs.  A lot of women in the modeling industry take a pill to go to sleep and a pill to say awake.  They give up a life of normalcy in order to be famous.  With that said, over the past several years, some models have succumbed to death, from literal starvation!  Just to walk the runway!!!!  What a life huh????? The truth is, the average weight of women in America is 140 lbs. Many of the high schools I go into, the pressure is on to be accepted.  Not just high schools, but college as well!  Women in general are seeking to be accepted by someone.  To be understood. This may sound corny, but a quote from a movie I love is, "why try so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out?"  God created you to be different!  He created you, unique, which means "one and only."  Isn't that awesome!  When God created you He knew exactly what He was doing, because He doesn't make mistakes!! You are like a precious jewel!  A jewel value is based on it's cut, clarity, and size; it's uniqueness.  The owner of each jewel determines it's value. Your worth has already been established and YOU ARE PRICELESS!  It's difficult to see our worth, when Hollywood says we are to be like this, and the popular girl at school wears that, and the popular boy wants to date Miss Popularity!  I've asked students, "who determines who is cool or popular?  Who decides?"  When you begin to see your value, worth, and uniqueness, you will be popular in God's eyes.  You see He knows who you are.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made!  The very hairs on your head are numbered. God has a job for you to do with your life. A job only you can do because of your combination of talents, experiences, and training.  You can choose to complain and grumble and tell God He messed up, or accept the beautiful person He created. Know your value! YOU ARE ONE IN A MILLION!!!!  

 Be Blessed and You Are Worth Waiting For!!!!  

Cindy Smith   

Ladies, would you mind standing up and realizing that you are worth something?

Sweet ladies, You are of great value! I am very disturbed by some things and I want to open your eyes to them. If you have FB have you seen the "Date or pass" game? It is where someone puts on their status simply, "Date or pass" and people send their numbers in a message to the person and then the one receiving the numbers begans posting the numbers and writing "Date" or "Pass". I get that it is a game, but it at the same time it greatly disturbs me. Say a guy puts "Date or pass" on his status. All of these girls began sending their numbers. Am I the only one who thinks this is a little shallow? I know you want to know what the guys has to say, but do you realize how "Easy" you are making yourself look? Do you see that you are just a number... One of many numbers. Do you seriously want a guy to sit there and think, "Hmmmmm should i date or pass?" or if he says "date" how many other girls did he also say "date" to. Think about it...

Then you have the girls who post it on their FB and all of these guys begin sending their numbers in. First off let him be a MAN and ask you out! Not just send a lame number in and hope he is the lucky one. Also, do you think this shows that you value yourself at all? You might think so, but girls honestly it doesn't....

Precious ladies you are worth more! You are worth asking out in at least words if not in person. Yes, I'm sure it is fun to see who likes you or who would date you, but dating is not just a "game". I challenge you to rise up against the norm. Your friends may play the game, but you can be different! YOU can stand out. Yes.... YOU are worth it!

With care,
JEN

A HAVE to read book...

I STRONGLY encourage you girls to read the book, “Preparing to be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl It is amazing! They also have one for married women. I would definitely advise you to ask your mom before you read it, but it is good also. Why wait until you are married to prepare? Like I always say…. NOW is the time to prepare! Waiting will only hurt you.

Random Question…. What are you doing now to prepare for your future husband?

JEN