Friday, October 15, 2010

Flashback Friday!

Initiators and Responders
Yes, I'm crossing into dangerous territory here. But I really think this needs to be addressed, because it can heavily effect the purity of a relationship. Today I'm going to talk about the concept of guys being initiators and girls being responders. I really encourage my friends to adopt this concept, and if you haven't already, I hope after reading this you will.
Let's start with a basic definition of the concept. It literally means what it says. Guys initiate the big relationship decisions. Girls respond to the decisions. For instance, guys should be the ones to ask girls out, and girls should be the ones to say yes or no to the offers. You see what I mean? Essentially all this means is that the guys pursue the girls, not the other way around.
Now that we have a basic definition let's talk about the various places this does or does not apply. Okay, well obviously it applies in the asking out area. Okay girls be honest, do you really want to ask the guy yourself? Or would you rather him step up and be a man and take his rightful role? In a culture where we are raised on fairy tales of Prince Charming searching relentlessly for Cinderella, I doubt you really wanna ask him yourself. This can even translate over to the purity area. When you late him initiate it, he can be more in control of himself. Where as if you initiate it, he could be caught off guard and not able to resist the urge to push further. Now I'm not saying he won't push further anyway. But that's where being a responder comes into play. As the responder, you have the right at anytime to say "no more" or "we have to stop now." You're not totally helpless. Another thing, I think we may have mentioned this before, but I'm not sure. The guy should be the one to say I love you for the first time. There's something about that, it's just a man's job. And then you know you are not pressuring the guy to move the relationship forward faster than he is comfortable. Okay, now this doesn't mean you can't ever be the one to call him. In fact, it might be a nice way to let him know you were thinking of him. But it does mean you shouldn't ALWAYS be the one initiating the phone calls. It doesn't mean you can't ever (within a relationship) suggest y'all do something, but you shouldn't be doing it all the time. He needs to take initiative most of the time.

The last part I want to cover is why we should do this. Perhaps I should have mentioned it sooner, but I'd like to you to leave this post with the reasons fresh on your mind. I really like the way Leslie Ludy phrases the first reason in her book "Answering the Guy Questions." (an excellent book about purity standards and romance the way God intended). Ludy says, "I have yet to meet a woman who dreams of a wimpy, insecure guy who has no clue how to lead or take the initiative in a relationship. But few women realize that when they steal a guy's position and become the initiator rather than the responder, they shape men into wimps, not warriors." Okay, so that's a pretty good reason. My next reason is basically this, when a girl goes and asks a guy out it can often make her look desparate, and as if she isn't trusting God with her relationship. Have you ever thought of this? If God designed the relationship, he'd give the guy the guts to stand up and make the first move. I know that's pretty tough to accept, but if God want a relationship to happen, he'll make it happen. My last reason is God commands submission. Ephesians 5:22-24 "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." No, we aren't married yet, but HELLO! Wake up call! Relationships lead to marriage!!! If you start the relationship off on the wrong foot, then it will not be easy to submit to him once you are married. Where as if you practice submission and let him be the initiator, you're setting the relationship up better. And you are better preparing yourself for a Christ-centered marriage. Well that's pretty much all I have to say about this. Thoughts? Do you agree or disagree with my take on this?

love, Kat


Kaley Grace said...

Great post. I definitely agree - although, it can be super hard to let the guy do the initiating. I especially loved your comment about how God will give the guy guts to ask you IF it's his will for you to be in a relationship.

Natasha Atkerson said...

Great post! I totally agree with you! I've actually been thinking about this lately. It totally makes sense! If we aren't letting the guys lead, then why should they even try?
Leslie Ludy is a neat authoress (spelling?) I highly reccomend her books!

Natasha Atkerson said...

Great post! I totally agree with you! I've actually been thinking about this lately. It totally makes sense! If we aren't letting the guys lead, then why should they even try?
Leslie Ludy is a neat authoress (spelling?) I highly reccomend her books!

Olivia M. said...

agreed 100%. :)

Sierra said...

I luvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
this post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I totally agree.
You guys make such great points!Stuff I never would have come up with.Sierra

Anonymous said...

This is quite controversial in today's society, where everyone - regardless of gender - are expected to achieve their own goals themselves, which could explain the potential criticism...but you're so right!

I believe this also extends to Facebook; let him add you, not the other way around!

The message of submission to one's boyfriend (who will then, if it's God's will, become one's husband) is a hard one to swallow, but it's so true, though!

God bless.

Anonymous said...

And I agree with Natasha about Mrs Ludy - she's such an inspiring author! I haven't actually read any of her books, but I have read excerpts online and go on her website quite a bit lol!

Tabby said...

I learned this lesson the hard way this summer. I've always thought it should be this way, but when it came down to it I got ancy and decided to initiate when he didn't. Not only did the relationship not happen, but I lost the chance to get to know him as a friend too. It ALWAYS works out better to let God bring things together! Remember this post and don't make the mistake like I did!

And I totally agree that this extends to facebook. In today's world, your actions on facebook really can say a lot about you.

Anonymous said...


Great post, first off! :) You made a lot of really good points, about how the guys need to be the initiators...
I really really REALLY agree with how we, as girls, are training guys to be wimps, not warriors. And lazy, too.

But I don't agree that wives have to submit in the way that I feel you're saying. A marriage is not a dictator with a bunch of people under him. The wife has just as much say as the husband, I firmly believe.
I just believe that the husband is the leader. Like, in a group of friends, but one is really the head honcho of the group. The other friends contribute, make some decisions, etc. but for the most part, the leader of the group does all the decision making.

That's how I see a family. :) Not that a woman has to be under, or beneathe her husband, but that it's a partnership where the husband is in more of a leadership role.

I really liked this post--I'm adding it to favourites to show a friend of mine. :)

Becca Danielle

♥beccaboo♥ said...

I definitely needed to be reminded of this. thanks :)